yucks....

i kinda dislike this year's chinese new year.

the only thing i look forward to these days is the holidays. i think i need to take a break and think about some stuff.

the focus next week will be the marketing plan, its not going to be easy with chinese new year and the school open house on....

but like i said, i am in a great team. so, absolutely no worries at all.

i kinda feel extreme loneliness these days, and jazz music aint helping at all. sometimes i wish there is someone i can tell everything to, but there is no one.

loser me....

emotional....

there are certain point of time in life, i suddenly step on the brake and stop to think. i never fail to feel empty, emotional and nostalgia. i hate to say it, but i feel like crying. i remember the last time i cried really hard was 4 years ago. yet it seem so much like yesterday....

i returned home from school to hear news from my mum that my auntie had passed away. how the hell is that possible, i saw her not long ago and she was perfectly fine. what happened? apparently, she suffered from a sudden burst blood vessel. so, she left the family, the world, like an item of a magic show.

i cried really hard that day, i couldnt control it. all the emotions just came out, i know exactly why did i cry. i was damn scared.... totally freaked out in fact. burst blood vessel? what the hell? why did this had to happen to someone i am so close to? fuck, i hate life. i question god.

my uncle is a man, he supressed all his emotions. he didnt have a chance to cry, he was busy with the preparations of the funeral. more importantly, he has 5 kids to look after. (3 are his own, the other 2 are kinda 'adopted'. its a long story) he cant collapse, but that year's chinese new year.... he totally broke down after a few cans of beer. this is the first time i see a man in such a pitiful state, you will just feel like hugging him and tell him everything will be all right. time will heal, allow time to heal.

everyday is a rush, apparently a rush to meet other's expectations of me. a mad rush to prove myself, my worth, my values. where am i heading in life? i may know i want to work in the media, but is this enough? how am i going to lead my life in future? the typical singapore way where i will buy a shelter, a car, start a family, feed the family, and pray that my children will feed me back when i am old am worthless?

i think i need a big hug and possibly a good cryout. but my uncle is the man. as for my auntie, rest in peace for everything cant be any better. god bless.

about life....

apple is my life now.

why not pear? because apple is red.

than, why not yellow?

because yellow is associated to chinese.

what's wrong with chinese?

chinese are pretty fucked up with certain strange festivals, culture, style, customs.

so.... am i proud to have apple as my life now?

actually, everything is going well. the thing about my mass comm work is i always manage to meet the important datelines, well, somehow....

so, what the fuck is so fucked up now?

the fuckiest is flash. both are the F words. both should fuck off....

the guitar sounded awful just now, or is it me playing awfully?

am i living life or is life living me out?

i will finish the media critique tonight.

i feel like having cheese prata. the cheese prata they sell is the coffeeshop downstair is freaking cheapskate, its so thin i can shove it up someone's ass.

how tall are you? i didnt know they stack shit that high.

bullshit.... sounds off like you got a pair.

i will delete this entry someday.

i am 17 years old sir.

today is the last day i am 17.

gosh, i feel like shit now. i will be 18 tomorrow, and i absolutely hate it. starting from tomorrow, its another stage of my life whereby i will be....

1. legal to buy smoke.
2. legal to buy alcohol.
3. legal to watch M18.

yea. but what the hell is the big deal? i dont smoke and i wont smoke. ok. all the alcohol i have drunk in the past is to 'train' myself for the 'big day' which is actually tomorrow.... and i must say i have trained myself pretty well. the M18 part... forget it...

but, i can surf porn from tomorrow! yeah, since they always say 'this is an adult website with explicit content, please do not enter if you are not 18'. tomorrow, i will be able to enter. BUT, i will still continue to be a good boy and keep my mind clean and pure in the name of the father, son and holy spirit. amen.

I CAN LEARN HOW TO DRIVE.
i will try to my best to get my license by the end of this year. i swear.

i can go clubbing, but i really aint interested in clubbing... maybe i will try one day when i really feel like it. i think it will be fun.

oh yar. i can call charity hotlines without asking mummy. haha, but stupid durai screwed things up. too bad....

but, i will go to jail immediately if i do something bad that mr Law doesnt allow. not that sucks but i still got around 7 hours to do what i want.... so bye.~~

comment comments.

i would like to thank those whom still bother to leave a comment at yetnamed after i removed my tag board. sometimes, a comment left by a loved one really makes my day. (well, at least for that spilt second.)

'double date' that day got me really excited, there is this movie that i simply cant wait to watch. it is my favourite genre of movie....

gosh... my childhood hero is coming with another 'huang feihong' kind of movie. i was like a child drooling at candybars that day when i was watching the trailer. no doubt, the hollywood is the leader in movies today. but in my opinion, jet li is the greatest action movie star in human history. no ang-mo can ever do his actions in a more graceful manner than this guy.

Hero n.o. 1: Jet Li

Hero n.o. 2: Bruce Lee

number 3... maybe Jackie Chan, i dont know.... he got really solid actions in some of his really early movies. but alot of his movies over the last 20 years are just simply stupid. he is stupid! he is selling box office with his life. its just so not worth it, he is risking his life everytime he does a movie. the effects may be magnificent, but to break things down, he is just being dumb to risk his life everytime.

so what is worth risking the precious life for?

1. direct family member that i love.
they are my papa, my mama, my sis, my bro and my dearest ah toon. i love my grandfather equally too, but i guess its not worth risking my life to save his 68 years old life. i am sure he will agree too. i have a huge family, and i dont deny the fact that i do not love all of them. in fact some are really annoying, i dont really give a damn what happens to them. but for this little princess, i am determined to help her as much as i can now and in the future.

my ah toon is sulking even though she has a happy meal in front of her. why? because she has a fucked-up bastardly father. a father that doesnt care about the family at all now, a father that embrace another woman now. someone whom would rather drive a third party rather than his own beautiful daughter. a total bastard he is, come on, take good care of the family and do whatever shit outside.

my policy is this, a man can seriously do anything he wants to outside. he can do illegal business, he can have multiple wifes. but he must make sure he is providing his family with a good life ultimately. if not, he better be slogging his guts out outside.

anyway, i hate to talk about my uncle whom is a total bastard. but i certainly love my ah toon.

gosh... a lousy attempt to do a victory sign. but never mind, i am sure she is learning fast.

ok. its getting late, i got to get back to serious stuff. till i blog again, have a nice day.

the suck-my-toes-cause-i-got-money theory

yea. i am learning how to be evil, basically by studying marketing. its an evil subject whereby you learn to earn money by managing profitable customer relationships. how? by sucking up to them, by giving in to them....

rule #1: the customer is always right.

rule #2: if the customer is wrong, please read rule number one again.

what the fuck is this? this is the back-up for people with lousy attitiude.... some people has got really arrogant and stupid mentaility.

i have money -> i am a customer -> i am always right-> suck my toes!

hey hey hey. screw your own ass, cause money is not everything. but sadly, in theory, money makes you a customer. and in the marketing concept, a customer has his or her certain rights. so.... marketing is a evil thing.

cause money makes you a customer, and a customer is always right. so actually, money makes you a perfect person in this capitalist world cause a person with money(potential customer) is always right.... aint i right to say this?

sadly.... money is the root of all evil.

yea, but i still got to study. in fact after what i say, i love marketing. i love studying the evil ways to make money, cause i want to make myself some money in future and provide my love ones with a good life.

so yea.... suck my toes than.

experiencing life.

sometimes, i make an effort to make my blog a happy place. i want to post happy and funny pictures, memorable events and kinda stuff. but somehow, there is very little thing to blog about if everything is positive.

school life aint exactly fantastic today and its really sort of depressing and stressful. i did ok for some tests and assignments, and sucked for others. the ok ones were just average but the sucky ones really sucks. fuck.... wait till i get my webd results back, its confirm to be hell. i ought to celebrate if i pass. guess there are just times we have to take a huge bite out of the bad pie; and swallow it.

but, i still dont think i made a bad choice in choosing mass comm casuse there are always happy moments in it too. the bad thing about this semester is we have TOO MUCH break, and all these little breaks are preventing me from accelerating. there is christmas, chinese new year, hari raya haji and some other shit. we are all so busy now, i feel i have so much to do in this one short month; this sucks cause i cant possibly do everything properly. everything will end in 6 weeks time, and i am going to feel empty again....

ok. all these aint making sense, but never mind because i am in a great team for the biggest project!
the Gusanoes ROCKS!!!!