to tokjiaying...
this few weeks had probably been the most trying period of my mum's life for the past 20 years. do you understand?
i believe no level of poverty or amount of hunger is ever too sad for any man, as long as every day is led by with a goal and motivation. yet, emotional depression is an illness no external element can cure; it all depends on the person.
our family used to lead a very difficult life. dad's job is to bring bread home while mum's job is to bring the 3 of us up. she never believed in putting anyone of us under the care of other people. she believes it is her responsibility to teach us moral values, manners and etiquette. thats why she will blame herself all the way if we dont turn out the way she desired us to be. ultimately, she is the one whom taught us our morals in life. i think i am 70% who i am today because of mum, i wonder what do you think.
its ironic how i am writing a story to 'fight' for the rights of foreign domestic workers in school, for we have a mummy domestic worker at home whom never had a day off for the past 18 years of her life. the only day she would relinquish from this job is probably the day she carries on to another world. i say this because she would always worry about us, it doesnt matter the age. as children, we should all learn to cherish her.
mum turns 40 this year, she got to make a transit in life. things are no more the same as compared to just 3 years back. time flies... and how true and sad is this for mum. a few years back, she will cook lunch everyday and all 3 of us would be back home by latest late afternoon. dinner is a needless to say routine. however, now that all 3 of us are grown up, it wouldnt be suprising if the earliest of us 3 returns home at 10pm.
for the past 18 years, her life revolved around us. but now that we are all old, how much of our life is devoted to the family? today, going out with friends is more important, playing the guitar is more important, surfing the net and chatting with friends is more important, playing maple story is more important. family seems to be going lower and lower down the list. yes, we are all guilty of it. mum is not asking us to return anything back to her, i am sure she doesnt. but shouldnt we all try to spare some basic thoughts for her?
dinner is still prepared with the most delicate effort everyday, yet no one is at home to eat it. how sad is this for mum whom whipped up the meal... will she feel appreciated? how will she feel when everyone comes back and tell her they have already eaten outside? that is the reason why i try my best to make it a point to eat dinner home everyday, even if its late microwaved reheated dinner. i wont eat dinner outside if possible, even if i ate outside... i would eat second round after i am back home. and i would try my best to finish everythingggg. not because i am hungry, not because i am greedy, its because i want mum to feel appreciated.
she doesnt ask for much, she just asks to feel appreciated~
we are outside everyday, its impossible for us to imagine how lonely mum can feel.
and you...
- you got to be one of the most fucking lousy attitude i ever seen.
- the way you walked off and closed the room's door after you just now fucking disgusted me.
- the way you dont spare a thought for anyone fucking pisses me off.
- i try my best to be nice to you, but sometimes you just dont fucking deserve it.
- the way you think(or at least this is how your action speaks) all your friends are more important than your direct family members, to the extent that you trust them more sometimes is fucking unfair.
- the way you dont see how some things in life work after 17 years is fucking sad.
ultimately, it is your life.
dont you think its sad i got to find you online when i got something to say to you? considering the very fact that we are just seperated by one wall, or probably two for there is one more wall in your inner heart. i hope you can reflect upon what mum just said. she made herself absoultely clear. i would be so utterly disappointed in you if whatever mum just said has got no effect on you. i am probably at fault too for who you are today, for i am your elder brother. i feel myself have a certain responsibilty over both my younger siblings.
i am not saying that you are bad, but the fact is the way your character is is unfair to other people sometimes.
the problem with you is you never think about how other people might be feeling. now you would probably be screaming 'then who the hell would care about my feelings?!' i need a shoulder, i need a listening ear.
you know what, i am just going to tell you to shut the fuck up. the world doesnt revolve round you, you aint alone in this world. whatever your actions and words has an effect on other people. keeping to yourself to the extent that everyone is invisible aint your own business.
i dont remember myself ever hiting you before, dont let me do it. dont ever let me do it, i am sure you know how nasty i can be when i am totally pissed off. please dont force me to wake you up the brutal way. i never did it in the past because i know it doesnt work on you. you are probably going to bear more hatred. but today, if i hit you, its because i need to get it off my chest. i dont expect it to have any effect on you. i bet you would probably hate me, but so what? maybe i should learn to be selfish like you sometimes.
if you think that you are not selfish at all... i am telling you now. you fucking are. you are fucking selfish at times when you want to be. its just that you dont realise it.
but ultimately, i think you should know that i love you for i love my family members more than anyone else. i think i am nice as a brother, i really think so. please, spare a thought for mum because i am sure she loves you more than i do. i can scold all the fuck in the world, but its just because i care for you.
locking yourself up in the room and soaking yourself in the cyberworld is not something healthy for you. you got to learn how to balance your life more. and i dont mean going out, you are going out enough. i mean family wise.
trust me, mum is going through an emotional trauma none of us can ever understand. if you think that life is stressful for you. count it your blessing that you got a life. for mum currently has no life and its driving her crazy.
please, i dont think i am a difficult person to talk to. we will never know how you feel if you keep everything to yourself.
your attitude and behaviour for the past 1 week has been fucking unbelievable and unacceptable. i choose to give you the leeway, i got to make the first step to talk to you. i took the initiative to go inside your room and strike a conversation with you. but i guess mum just couldnt take it anymore.
i have no idea what you are thinking about now...
are you feeing sad?
i hope so...
but i know you are probably feeling something else.
if you think that mum is bias~ blah blah... and you are talking to your friend about what just happened and how unfair it is for you and all.
let me tell you this straight, you will never succeed in life for you will never be happy. and please remember, you are never alone. no one is ever alone.
you are already 17. please, reflect along the right track.
i feel like a loser typing this entry, for this has never been my blogging style. but i dont see any other ways to express my thoughts to you.
i believe no level of poverty or amount of hunger is ever too sad for any man, as long as every day is led by with a goal and motivation. yet, emotional depression is an illness no external element can cure; it all depends on the person.
our family used to lead a very difficult life. dad's job is to bring bread home while mum's job is to bring the 3 of us up. she never believed in putting anyone of us under the care of other people. she believes it is her responsibility to teach us moral values, manners and etiquette. thats why she will blame herself all the way if we dont turn out the way she desired us to be. ultimately, she is the one whom taught us our morals in life. i think i am 70% who i am today because of mum, i wonder what do you think.
its ironic how i am writing a story to 'fight' for the rights of foreign domestic workers in school, for we have a mummy domestic worker at home whom never had a day off for the past 18 years of her life. the only day she would relinquish from this job is probably the day she carries on to another world. i say this because she would always worry about us, it doesnt matter the age. as children, we should all learn to cherish her.
mum turns 40 this year, she got to make a transit in life. things are no more the same as compared to just 3 years back. time flies... and how true and sad is this for mum. a few years back, she will cook lunch everyday and all 3 of us would be back home by latest late afternoon. dinner is a needless to say routine. however, now that all 3 of us are grown up, it wouldnt be suprising if the earliest of us 3 returns home at 10pm.
for the past 18 years, her life revolved around us. but now that we are all old, how much of our life is devoted to the family? today, going out with friends is more important, playing the guitar is more important, surfing the net and chatting with friends is more important, playing maple story is more important. family seems to be going lower and lower down the list. yes, we are all guilty of it. mum is not asking us to return anything back to her, i am sure she doesnt. but shouldnt we all try to spare some basic thoughts for her?
dinner is still prepared with the most delicate effort everyday, yet no one is at home to eat it. how sad is this for mum whom whipped up the meal... will she feel appreciated? how will she feel when everyone comes back and tell her they have already eaten outside? that is the reason why i try my best to make it a point to eat dinner home everyday, even if its late microwaved reheated dinner. i wont eat dinner outside if possible, even if i ate outside... i would eat second round after i am back home. and i would try my best to finish everythingggg. not because i am hungry, not because i am greedy, its because i want mum to feel appreciated.
she doesnt ask for much, she just asks to feel appreciated~
we are outside everyday, its impossible for us to imagine how lonely mum can feel.
and you...
- you got to be one of the most fucking lousy attitude i ever seen.
- the way you walked off and closed the room's door after you just now fucking disgusted me.
- the way you dont spare a thought for anyone fucking pisses me off.
- i try my best to be nice to you, but sometimes you just dont fucking deserve it.
- the way you think(or at least this is how your action speaks) all your friends are more important than your direct family members, to the extent that you trust them more sometimes is fucking unfair.
- the way you dont see how some things in life work after 17 years is fucking sad.
ultimately, it is your life.
dont you think its sad i got to find you online when i got something to say to you? considering the very fact that we are just seperated by one wall, or probably two for there is one more wall in your inner heart. i hope you can reflect upon what mum just said. she made herself absoultely clear. i would be so utterly disappointed in you if whatever mum just said has got no effect on you. i am probably at fault too for who you are today, for i am your elder brother. i feel myself have a certain responsibilty over both my younger siblings.
i am not saying that you are bad, but the fact is the way your character is is unfair to other people sometimes.
the problem with you is you never think about how other people might be feeling. now you would probably be screaming 'then who the hell would care about my feelings?!' i need a shoulder, i need a listening ear.
you know what, i am just going to tell you to shut the fuck up. the world doesnt revolve round you, you aint alone in this world. whatever your actions and words has an effect on other people. keeping to yourself to the extent that everyone is invisible aint your own business.
i dont remember myself ever hiting you before, dont let me do it. dont ever let me do it, i am sure you know how nasty i can be when i am totally pissed off. please dont force me to wake you up the brutal way. i never did it in the past because i know it doesnt work on you. you are probably going to bear more hatred. but today, if i hit you, its because i need to get it off my chest. i dont expect it to have any effect on you. i bet you would probably hate me, but so what? maybe i should learn to be selfish like you sometimes.
if you think that you are not selfish at all... i am telling you now. you fucking are. you are fucking selfish at times when you want to be. its just that you dont realise it.
but ultimately, i think you should know that i love you for i love my family members more than anyone else. i think i am nice as a brother, i really think so. please, spare a thought for mum because i am sure she loves you more than i do. i can scold all the fuck in the world, but its just because i care for you.
locking yourself up in the room and soaking yourself in the cyberworld is not something healthy for you. you got to learn how to balance your life more. and i dont mean going out, you are going out enough. i mean family wise.
trust me, mum is going through an emotional trauma none of us can ever understand. if you think that life is stressful for you. count it your blessing that you got a life. for mum currently has no life and its driving her crazy.
please, i dont think i am a difficult person to talk to. we will never know how you feel if you keep everything to yourself.
your attitude and behaviour for the past 1 week has been fucking unbelievable and unacceptable. i choose to give you the leeway, i got to make the first step to talk to you. i took the initiative to go inside your room and strike a conversation with you. but i guess mum just couldnt take it anymore.
i have no idea what you are thinking about now...
are you feeing sad?
i hope so...
but i know you are probably feeling something else.
if you think that mum is bias~ blah blah... and you are talking to your friend about what just happened and how unfair it is for you and all.
let me tell you this straight, you will never succeed in life for you will never be happy. and please remember, you are never alone. no one is ever alone.
you are already 17. please, reflect along the right track.
i feel like a loser typing this entry, for this has never been my blogging style. but i dont see any other ways to express my thoughts to you.
posted by display name at 11:21 pm
1 Comments:
somehow, that sounds like my kor talking to me. and trust me, dont ever hit your sister. she's gonna remember it for life. my brother slapped me once cause i cheated in monopoly (A FUCKING GAME.) and i remembered it, till now. and that was what? in primary two.
but it sounds like me. oh well. take things in stride and give and take until you can't take it anymore. yeap. that's what.
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