i care for you.

i think there is this subdued side of me which i dont always show. but the fact is i sometimes pretty depressed by how some things in my life are. i think its really sad how my mum has gotten used to me not going home for dinner, staying home at other's place kinda stuff and even drinking occasionally. i love my mum, i wouldnt be who i am if not for her teachings. i wouldnt say that for my dad, not that he is bad or what. but i guess he just doesnt know how to express emotions and values to his kids.

its the holidays, i cant wait to find one day and bring ah toon out. she is young and innocent, i would love to teach her stuff. things that i know will be useful in her life, i feel sorry that she has to go through shit in her family. its not fair, but i guess she got no choice. mum says that whatever i do, she is still someone's els child. i always have this something for all kids, they are the only people i really trust to put my commit my love in.

i was walking home just now and i heard some really nice harmonica music. i got one lying in my drawer just that i got no idea how to play it. i will never forget that uncle that played the harmonica during orientation at ngee ann, i love people whom does things with lots of passion. there is one thing that i love and hate about myself; and that is winning has never been a issue for me. winning never bothered me as a kid and it still applies to me now.

its both good and bad i guess. i am always taught to try my best at home, winning is something i learnt in society. cross country was all about winning and nothing els, i guess this is the reason why i started to dislike it after a couple of years. i consider everyone single day in my life a win. no one can ever win another person in everything, i see no point in getting a win when i am losing more in fact sometimes.

i am off.